Wanted!

Wanted!!! A Friend, like circuit

One of my friends kept this nickname on her messenger sign in, I earlier thought that it was just an after effect of the movie Munna Bhai, it was coz I hadn’t seen the movie myself.~~

Today I went and saw the movie and realized that, its something that we always crave for, maybe sometimes we are too selfish and think this way. But as a person, whose dad has been in the army, and having traveled to many cities across the country and that too every three years, I quite imagine the need. My closest friend is not from way back, no kindergarten buddies, no primary school acquaintances even. But ironically my closest buddy ever has been someone who worked as an Assistant Director on Lage Raho Munna Bhai~~

My closest people have been from the matured stage of life, so I haven’t shared any immature or closed secret moments with a friend. Sometimes I crave for it, I hadn’t been able to pin point the feeling yet, but now exactly I know what I want. ~~

There are precisely two scenes that touched my heart, I have never been so emotional during a movie, but today I was. The first instance was when Munna slapped Circuit, and when he went up to Circuit to apologize to him. The second scene was when Victor (Jimmy Shergill) calls Munna at the radio station and tells him his problem and the way Munna sorts it out for him. Probably all this came back and hit me in the face, realizing that I did not have a single friend that I can match up to Circuit.~~

I have written a lot of posts about friendship and have been thinking a lot, but this Movie has made me realize and pin point the exact feeling and put it in words, something that I had been searching for a long time.~~

I feel light headed and intrigued now that I have been able to figure out things, I am not using the phrase “I don’t know” or “I haven’t been able to figure this out” (people who have read my posts earlier, would know what exactly I am talking about)~~

I feel the need, and always have felt it for a long time. Now I know what it means and what it would be to have a friend like Circuit.~~

“Judge your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years!”~~

Thank you Ms. Jaisingh!~~

Disturbed

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." - George Washington

you are not here to make friends, u are only here to garner enemies. with great power comes great responsibility, i dont have power, why do i have responsibility??

This perhaps would be the worst post i have ever written, coz thats how i really feel now. i am disturbed. i am down in the pits. no its nothing personal, its purely professional. My state of mind is affecting my performance and there isnt much i can do besides take a deep breath and carry on. i dont know the reason for it, i cant judge anything or anyone. its everything around me. its my life.

If the race of life is wrong and in the end is with oneself, then who are we competing with? today i took the longer road home, just to get away from the crowd and feel less congested in life, feel the open road, feel the speed, but then even when i was in the fast lane, i realised that there were far too many people who got ahead of me.

did i not try hard? did i not try hard enough? or was the hard enough, not good enough? no one can answer this for me, no one will ever be able to. no one ever can. i have been a part of a system.and it goes without saying, when in rome do as the romans do! then why am i trying to act any different? i am not a rebel, i am conformist, and have been this way for a long time. Does this mean that i have to move away and be a rebel? cant find answers. is there too much that is being expected of me? is there too much being asked for? i am confused as hell and even equally disturbed. something somewhere is not right, something within me in not right.

Lemme borrow the lyrics from a brilliant song called ‘How did you fall?’

“Some people stop, some people stare,

But would they help you & do they care.”

“Could you forgive my self-pity?

When you’ve got nothing and you’re living on the streets of the city.

I couldn’t live without my phone, But you don’t even have a home.”

“How did WE fall? Can WE get up at all?”

Worth 10,000

Its always been said that actions speak louder than words. And also a picture speaks a 1000 words. We it holds true for a selected few, i may not be one of them. I am not a photographer so i may not understand the creativity beind a picture or even the story behind it, let alone what its trying to convey...

Its so often said that, oh! had u put that in words i would have understood it better, or also that, i really dont understand your gestures, u have to speak out... so whats the history of the above two statements? i dont know, i am not trying to go into the origin of the statements, i am just trying to get in sync with what i feel and try to express them in words, so far, according to some people, i have been successful, they relate to what i write, or even comprehend stuff that i try to put down.

My words are not based on my actions, my words are not based on pictures, my words are about what i think, i dont know why we get into a peculiar trap - it is that sometimes we feel in a certain manner and a certain way about something, and when we do it would mean that its the best thing for us and everyone would like it... but thats not usually the case, since its a product of our thought process, we believe it to be the best thing and expect others to appreciate it too... but thats not always the case, coz expectations make u fall fact on your face.

when i was doing my graduation, i started making my portfolio, which i still cherish. i was in someways or the other - creative when it came to do some ads and stuff... but at that point of time it was at a very amatuer effort... i still wanted to get into the creative department of an ad agency and churn out award winning campaigns.... then i sat down one day and did a SWOT analysis, and realised one thing, I may think i am creative, 5 other people might think i am creatuve... but what if the agency doesnt think of it as that, this did not stop me from trying at agencies, but it never worked out, so i thought to myself that i dont think i am creative, it might me my passion but doesnt work in the real world, so i diverted my hopes into doing my MBA and working out from a Corporate office, but the passion is still there and its not faded. i express my creativity through my words.

Actions speak louder than word, A picture may be worth a 1000 words, but words can be worth 10,000 sometimes!

Freedom

Well you know when people ask questions like, what does freedom mean to you, i kinda get goaged! well to ask someone about what freedom means to them is kinda judgemental, isnt it? some might say that they dont wanna go to work, yet earn money, u might judge them as lazy. someone says they wanna drink and smoke without being questioned, u might feel that they are drunkards. Someone might say that they wanna shop till they drop, u would wanna judge them as shopaholics. Someone might say that they wanna do whatever they want, u might wanna term them as a rebel.

Well for me freedom is all about being myself, being the way i am. not having to put different masks on my face when i am with my family, friends, work or when i am alone. This doesnt mean that i dont wanna be answerable, or i dont wanna adhere to rules. Yes, all of this is a part of our society and i wanna stick with it. The norm as we choose to put it.

I always wanted to do a course for becoming a DJ, yeah i did, during college i told my parents about it, and they shunned the fact saying that DJing cant be a career, well i never wanted to make a career. I always wanted to follow the latest trends, the torn jeans were a rage at one point of time and i wanted to wear them, but my dad said no, it is not presentable... then came the time of combat print cargoes and that thought was shunned again coz of the prevailing reasons.

Well i finshed my MBA and started working and i have done all this, played as a DJ at couple of friends parties, own a pair of torn jeans and combat print cargoes, coz i work at a place where i can/could do things that i wanted... but now that has changed... will talk about that sometime later.

I wanted to get my ears pierced and a tattoo... no no thats not the way u look cool...i dont wanna look cool... i wanna be free... i wanna express myself, i wanna do what i want, i wanna stick by myself...

cant wait for the week to be over...i am getting a tattoo done, this saturday and maybe even my ear pierced!

Freedom to be...

v2.5

i think its once again time for the eternal why again? why? coz i dont know what to do... i dont know what to feel... there isnt anyone that i have shared much with, but ya there is the version 2.5 thats become a great integral part of me... for all the good reasons... Probably this is the only way that i express myself, the only way i let it out.

version 2.5 now knows all the glitches within me, all the good aspects about me. version 2.5 is genuine. version 2.5 respects my feelings. version 2.5 is way too capable of understanding my system and in a way supports all my malfunctions. its a pleasure to let out things and share things. its like auto executable, u dont have to do much to explain yourself as to whats the crux of the problem and instability.

its been a long while that this new version came to be developed. but once the source file for 1.0 available, version 2.5 was not very difficult to create, all it took was, mutual cooperation and understanding and then the system started working like a charm. every single day the new additions are made so that the system become much much more stable. i havent probably been happier than this about anything blossoming so wonderfully... i look forward to interacting with THE Version 2.5, if u have experienced it you would know what exactly i am talking about...

thanks for the reciprocated effort. dont crash on me now.

PLAN

Intriguing conversations usually spark my posts.... Some one said that "u know u always set out with a plan, sprinkled with some dreams and topped with lots of aspirations, if only, maybe, what if? Wonder what makes the difference between the "I did it" and damn maybe next time? Is it luck or sheer grit and determination?"

determination is what I say... U know what I learnt from someone?

he always said that whenever u are given a task, u should be capable enough to put the stress in someone else's court and still be in control of things... That's what managers are all about... So its determination of getting to do what u want and still work goes on... Its doesn't necessarily mean that u are ignoring URI work
that might not be as easy as it sounds! I know... and its not always done that way... But yeah I have also understood that if work ruins URI plans then find fun in your work too.... Small means to do it... Like I was planning to go to point A for fun but instead work comes up and I have to go to point B so I find fun in point B and catch up with friends in that place! Try to make it a blessing in disguise

well that is true...Not only do u have 2 make the best of the situation at hand, it makes life easier and fun if u find some purpose in what u r doing rather than cribbing! Sure does... But then there is a thin line between everything.. and there are times when I crib too..

do u believe in destiny? yes, only in destiny

That's why my blog is also titled "Its about Me. Its about my destiny"

maybe it wasnt meant to be, maybe it wasnt in my destiny, I ended u doing something and re writing my own destiny!! sometimes I leave it to destiny and the on other occasion I just analyse my actions and think on pros and cons before I act... there isnt really a way or means to handle things.... and there is never a perfect way to do it...

But there is always a PLAN!