Threats!

How many of us have done a SWOT analysis of our own self! yeah i know its a big shot term and not many of us are inclined to do it... but when we sit and introspect, this is actually what we do...

I have realised the Strengths will stick with me through my life. My weakness will increase or decrease as i handle my life on a case to case basis! My opportunities will also keep knocking now and then, but my threats will always increase no matter what i do...

Havent you been facing threats all your life? like when u were a kid your mom & dad must have told u stories about how some ugly and scary monster will come and do things to you... then you were in school and the teachers would threaten u saying that if u dont study well something or the other will happen, you are in high school and about to pass out, there is a threat thats looming which is about if u dont do well you will not get admission into something that you aspire to be. You get into college and then the threat of a good business school looms on you... u pass all these hurdles (u thought of them to be hurdles coz u did not know what in store for you)

You get a job and then there is the "hire - fire" policies that threaten you, there are threats of not having a bright future, there are threats of rising taxes (a fine is a tax for doing the wrong thing whereas a tax is a fine for doing the right thing) & inflation (inflation is perhaps the only thing that can defy the law of gravity by always going up).... this is just the begining...

You have threat of achieving the basics of life, settling down in life, affording things, support a family, and then save for the threatening old age...

but someone somewhere has controlled these threats and have made him his opportunities and strengths.... wonder when will i be able to do something like this... or would there be fun in Taming this wild thing called life?

Peace

humans are the only living beings on earth who can feel lonely in acrowd and is besieged by a crowd when alone... humans prefer thecompany of their own kind! starts a family, a tribe, a settlement, avillage, a town, a city!

but then the inevitable happens, he forgets his culture, brushes itaside. tries to win over nature, pollutes the water. poisons the air.to protect himself and his own he gathers weapons to destroy allothers. tries to get death to surrender its means.

but then comes a time when he introspects, maybe in his house, maybein the noise of the market place, could be anywhere when it strikeslike lightening... could be any means by which it strikes... what do udo then? how do u handle the introspections and the new beliefs thathave formed... the freedom that has crept in. the fire that has beensparked.

never would a man blame his failures on himself, never will he givecredit of his success to anyone else! its all so self centred! no!that doesnt mean that i am not, i am equally to be blamed about it...these things just happen to you... u are no born self centred orneither are we brought this way.. what makes us this way then?

no person, on his death bed, say that what i did was right, what i didwas not to hurt or harm other, what i did all my life was for goodkarma! no one has the guts to say so, coz no one has been honestenough and that is the stage that selflessness steps in, but stillthere is always the guilty conscience that pricks you... and you cannever acknowledge the facts. coz if someone does so his living and his existance has been successful.

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this post is sounding evolved? yes it is slightly coz its beeninspired by a poem by Shri. Atal Bihari Vajpayee

WoRdS

I am not a man of letters, nor do i claim to be an intellectual. i write to make sense of my world, and for strength to face the challenge of life. My concerns are those of any man alive to his own life and to the life of those around him. My writing is, to me, not an expression of regret or defeat, but of confidence, and a will to win!

How inspiring? well, yes this is what drives me to write and vent out the feelings that i share with no one... i am not a regular 'life is an open book' types, u seriously have to make an effort to understand me coz my first impression on people is not the best or not a real one... but if u read what i write, u might connect instantly... or thats what i feel, i dont know how true it is!

Theflip side to this is that no one makes an effort to understand me, neither has anyone made an effore nor anyone will and then again no one reads this blog except a chosen few (who i am thankful to) so i cant expect much i guess...

I have been the man of my words, never said if i havent meant it and neither have said it and not done... the few selected people who read this and know me would know what i am talking about and maybe they can vouch for it and stand by me when my ime comes to face the music...

i have said enough, i have had enough, dont expect me to be someone i am not, coz i am not gonna change! dont try and make me do something thats unlike me coz i am not gonna do it!
I am,the way i am! Some people like me the way i am!
take it or leave it!

Confusion!

i am confused! what do i write about? my posts usually have been about my state of mind! but then if the state of my mind is confused, u cant expect much sense! not that my random ramblings make sense anyways!

but yeah this is a post with mixed feeling and a mixed bag... its a mix of Love life, family life, personal life, social life and work life, not necessarily in that order,

so work life is 90% of my life,

personal life is about 4%,

social life is 3%,

family life is 3%

and love life is 0% (that takes care of one problem)

So where do i begin? i dont know, just cant get to get my thoughts in place... my life revolves around work so thats gonna be the major boring factor here, but i know none of u reading this (not even a handful) would be interested in reading about work! but ya new things are happening, new initiatives being taken, new codes & conducts being introduced... like for example i have now wear formal clothes to work... i work for a music channel and now i look as if i am a banker/medical representative! (how cool is that?). So essentially i dont have even the 10% cool quotient that i used to.

work as become complex over a period of time and there is no way i can complain, coz apparently complaining is not the best thing.. i have to ignite the fire and move on, accpet the changes and the codes and the new conducts and just live on!

Personal life is limited to my blog, music and computer (work as well as at home) so that takes care of the 4%. i loved to sleep at somepoint of time in past but now there is not enthusiam left, so i sleep for about 5-6 hours!

Social life is restricted to weekends when i catch up with batchmates from college, for lunch... or otherwise sometimes during the lunch break at work or sms or mail or orkut, that essentially is the social life that i have.

Family life as usual is limited to conflicts... one thing leads to another and then it all eventually leads to one thing and one thing only (dont guess i aint writing it)

last there is the love life angle which is non-existant... so there is nothing to write... my previous post says it all about me being a loser!

still confused? so am i?

L.O.S.E.R

Its just been 2 days that i havent posted anything on my blog and it seems like ages... anyways have always been a loser at realtionships, especially of the 'love' kind! but then again i have been been the stub boy kind... with my extra pounds and all i am just another shy guy and attitude prone for some god forsaken strange reason! which, as it goes with everything in my life, i have not yet been able to figure out!

Well like all love struck losers in life this post is about the satisfaction that one derives out of telling someone that u like them, a long lost crush or someone that u are attracted to... aah what a feeling? what crap. get a life dude! no i am saying this from a fresh experience of yesterday! yeah yesterday was the alumni meet of my college... just another song and dance sequence with lots of booze and music and eveyone drinking like a fish! well thats not the point though... its about a girl, who was my crush for sometime in college and was subject to my favouriteism and public flak in general coz of it...

so here goes... i liked her a lot, found her really attractive but like a typical loser did not have the guts to tell her and was always within me, and then i met her yesterday and i thought that its either today or never... she looked stunning to me, atleast... so i just asked her to gimme her mail id and said that i shall write to her (see i told u i was a woosie to say it to her) but then she said that she doesnt check her mail and i should tell her... so i said that it might not be a very pretty thing for her! but she being a curious person went all out and wanted to know... so i finally spilled the beans!and yeah i got a reply that i wasnt expecting... no no dont worry she did not go out with me or accept that even she likes me (remember the loser bit?) she said - yeah i know but i just did not wanna make things awkward!!

hehehehehe imagine my plight... i gathered all the courage and told her and this is what i get... then there was this eternal fear of it affecting the small time friendship... and then i poped this... i hope it doesnt affect our friendship, i was just being frank! (ya right loser u expect me to believ that?) pop came the response, no no it wont affect our friendship its all cool, i know about it... dont worry... and then the fool within me came back like a rockstar (read L.O.S.E.R) with - then can we do coffee sometime? Damn that was the last nail in the coffin!

What was i thinking... the reply as the usual - if time permits, we could meet up~!

Loser. Loser. Loser.

=============================================================

P.S. this is not the first time i have done that... been there & done that a couple of times now!

Perspective

the human mind is a complex organ! it has the capability to analyselots of things simultaneously... but the irony of the situation isthat when it comes to perspective, the boundary is limited... youthink and act a certain way... this is where the humannature and human tendancy and human psychology come in...

how is it that eveytime u are shaken, perplexed and worried, thatsomeone would come by and give u a different perspective and heads upon things and u are like 'oh! ya that could be a possibility, i justdidnt think of it!' come to think of it, its just that we think of 2-3perspective or what they say 'have a single track mind' or 'extremeistmind'. we are somehow bound to think of things in a particular way, ina particular manner!

as i have mentioned earlier, i have believed in always is 'minds arelike parachutes, they work best when they are open', but somehow onsome occasions it just slips my mind and i act in a certain stubbornmanner! that might not be my nature but i dont know what, it justmakes me think this. the possibilities are phenonmenonal,opportunities are countless but somewhere, sometimes u are too stuckup to understand and comprehend them!

but then its one of those things that happen to everyone, and it canstrike like lightening, without warning... at such times what do u do?all u got to do is that just think with a open mind... let theparachute save ur day, let the open mind bring in the newperspective... sometimes all u need to light the fire is a spark.

this spark can come from any source, come in any shape, any size andmay even be a person, and u would just feel lucky that somebody showedyou the way and someone helped you with that little spark...its a good feeling. u feel that you can take the world with stride.you put life in the 5th gear and zoom to the open yet congested road,all the things have pros and cons. its more like a formula one race...you may start at pole and end up crashing or finish last, but you could also start 10th and end up on the podium.

i personally prefer the latter! who doesnt afterall?

Thanks Tatum!!

FIRE

today is perhaps not the best day to put a post on my blog. todays daybeen just one of those days. strictly. after a 4 hour session in "3walls and a door" kinda room, and also after getting the gyan of theday, its not the best thing to write a post on your blog. what do uexpect out of me? "oh! what a wonderful world", naah not happening!!

off late i've realised that when i am not in the best of things, orwhen i an irritated or when things are not going the way i want themto, i just become tight lipped, no anger, no frustration, no throwingmy weight around, just simple tight lipped. neither would i appreciatesomething, neither would i outrightly discard something. just be tightlipped.

life goes on. nothing new. nothing old. nothing more. nothingless.great responsibility makes u feel "u are the man now dawg"! youknow it all, u have done it before... but thats when u becomecomplecent and this is not a very good thing to happen. but whatactually leads to this disinterest and the uncomfortable feeling?haven't been able to figure out the work place economics (even simpleeconomics for that matter). people say "oh! what a job u have!". i ask, what a job do i actually have? its a mixed bag, i guess all jobsare like this. it just matters that in which direction do u find yourcalling.

i always found 'media' fascinating right since my graduation days(obviously, was doing my graduation in media, it was but natural) but there is no point in time that i repent any decision. Neither am i repenting this... not that it was a bad decision in the first place but then again there are sometimes when u seriously contemplate things. Its like an ultimatum that u get, saying that please put ur act together or just leave...

Is there no value? or is our system to blame? i dont know... its very easy to put the blame on the system. but then we should also realise that u cannt to clap with just one hand.. and there are always 2 sides of a coin... u cant just over look the side facing down... maybe its be to be blamed to a certain extent.. i am not upto it, or i am upto it but not in the goove! whatever it is... there comes a time in each of our lives where we have to sleep over the past, start afresh with new vigour and new energy and say ok lets do this...

its the rejuvenation that is kicking in now... i am ready... ready to take on a new day... and start on a clean slate... i have a point to prove and i shall... i am accountable for a certain thing and deliver i shall... people will criticise u and try and put u down but there are always a chosen few who will hold ur hand and lift you up... and give you the torch and say go light the fire!

I have a few friends, who have just done that and i am in new waves.. trying to move on... shake the old self and wake up to a new dawn and smack the world in the face and say i am here for a purpose and i shall show it to you.. i shall do it for myself if nothing else.

i can and i I am gonna set this world ablaze!

3 glass walls & a Door

sitting in a meeting as i write this... been here for the past 4hours... doing what i dont know... dont have a clue... just trying totake a grip on the things as 'they' say!!

hello? u get a grip on urself dude! all the day sitting in thisboardroom and being a part of the 'intellectual masturbation' and bythe minute its getting 'intense' and as i call it becomes 'intenseintellectual masturbation'what are we doing here? what are we trying to achieve? i dont yet.even after 4 hours of wanking away to glory i am as clueless as 'ababy in a topless bar'!

we go all around the place, trying to reinvent the wheel! everyone trying to put their theory into what the wheelshould be, boss! a wheel is a wheel is a wheel and remain to do so...no matter what!so people why dont we step out of the 3 glass walls and a door and think openly.

as 'they' say - minds are like parachutes, they workbest when they are open!!! now correct me if i'm wrong, when i saythat lets move out, let the wheel be the wheel. we will never inventanything new, let alone re-inventing.

peace brother!!

Too much?

they say that too much of eveything is bad...

first of all i dont know who this "they" are, never been able to figure that...

and the "everything" in this context is the rain in mumbai... met with a couple of friends and got drenched thrice and was cursing the rains... but then i met another friend and we happened to talk about the rain, and my first reaction was "oh man! no more rain, i have had enough" but then this friend of mine just said that "there is something about rains.......everything luks washed clean, the green trees luk a brighter shade of green, everywhere it just seems that water puts life n this earth....which it does!!!!!!!!!"

then i thought, why not?

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk. The rain makes running pools in the gutter. the rain plays a little sleep-song on our roof at night -And I love the rain.

Oh, where do you come from, You little drops of rain, Pitter patter, pitter patter, Down the window pane? They won't let me walk, they wont let me go to work at peace.

When it rains The soft grey sky Drifts to the ground Brown rivulets Trickle away Trickle away Washing sadness down Weather vanes Weep and turn Weep and turn Forgetting in the damp and grey That by and by The sun will shine Sun will shine By and by The sun will shine.

too much? naah not that i think of!!

Reminiscence

after a long time i met up with people who were my comrades in college! not that it was anything new or different, just that i met up with them after a long long time, 3 years to be precise! its a long time! its not that we were not in touch or not been speaking to each other but just that we met up in person after 3 years. It was great, let me assure you.

the trips down memory lane. the nostalgia. the reminiscence.

sharing things and discussing past events that had been a part of all our lives but just that they had been swept of by the sands of time and what remained were the footprints. the feeling that it sparks is beyond words. just that we have been caught up in so many things and so many incidents from the past that we are unsure of what we wanna do, do we really wanna relive them?

but then its always fun. so many things that might hold some special place in your heart. so many people attached to this reminiscence. i am really at the loss of words when i post this.

"we should do this more often" but then again the kind of lives we are living is simple to much. but as they say that u always have time for some fun. always have time for friends.

all of us understand this. all of us believe in this. just that we are hesitent. just that we are scared!

its what life is all about. remember the compliements. forget the insults. throw away your old bank statements. keep ur old love letters.

reminiscence!

Impulse & The Silver Shoes!

this is from sometime back. i was travelling for work to delhi, pune and bangalore! i entered a nike store and i saw a pair of silver and black running shoes (considering my body type, i m not a running type) but still it was more of love at first sight.

Then came the eternal issue of finding size 11. my experiences with first loves have not been very great (pun intended). i usually enter a store, mention my shoe size and ask what designs are available. but this time i was adamant to get that pair. I was more like a trip across the country for a pair of shoes. Such is the power of impulse. the trail began in delhi, went to pune, ended in bangalore, no luck.

Then when i had almost forgotten about it, gave up! gave in! i came across the same pair in mumbai. this time impulse kicked in again and i just enquired about the availability of the size and to my amazement they had it. it was worth a few grands, not many people would buy shoes worth that much. but it was impulse and the 'love at first sight'

the circumstances were not ideal coz i had some people who would raise objection all my impulses. but i went right ahead and sacrificed a few grands for this pair. they were worth it, mind you.

The point i am trying to make here is that we are so obsessed with materialistic belongings that we are willing to go great distances to attain them. its not bliss. its just a pair of shoes. the human tendancy of growing is natural but the urge that springs up every now and then is a killer. its like an itch that u have to scratch.

I am an impulsive person. i am an impulsive shopper. its not a disease, its not a psychlogical disorder, its more of a mindset. i feel if this impulse is channelised into sometime creative, constructive and something worthwhile. the human power can do wonders!

as they say, the best things in life are either unaffordable, fattening or not good for health. all out impulse is made up of the things that are the best - so come the consequences of it. but then again my point is that i have weaned off the impulse. not that i was addicted to it. but still its sometime good to let go...

i let go of my first love but NOT the Silver Shoes!

*~ Nirvana ~*

The dictionary defines nirvana in 3 contexts

• Buddhism: The ineffable ultimate in which one has attained disinterested wisdom and compassion.
• Hinduism: Emancipation from ignorance and the extinction of all attachment.An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.
• Sanskrit: refers to the going out of a flame once its fuel has been consumed; it thus suggests both the end of suffering and the cessation of desires that perpetuate bondage

But there is an individual definition of the term in each of our lives. I talk about myself here. i think for me Nirvana would be an every day process. I am learning new things each day. i am meeting new people each day. I am learning about people each day. I am getting enlightened each day. i am attaining partial nirvana each day. No i am not disinterested in things, people or objects... but in my own sense attaining nirvana.

Yes i know this may sound stupid, immature and irritating to some people. but then its a personal outlook toward the term. i feel glad that i can put it in these terms. If i take the sanskrit connotation, then i am gonna attain nirvana when i die! yeah the fuel of life will be consumed and i will attain nirvana, be free of the suffering.

On the contrary i might never attain nirvana, coz the human desire never ceases, there are emotional, mental, physical and material desires that all of us want to fulfil. These desires are gonna be with me throughout my life, maybe even till my end. i will never attain nirvana, no! not even at my end.

But. Do i really want to attain nirvana? i think not.

I am content with my ignorance and i am content with my bliss!

*|* BLISS *|*

I have always come across this thng of attaining bliss. but how do u go about attaining it?

Some say that u pop the blue pill and the search is over!

There is a counter theory to this - which goes "Ignorance is bliss". But if u know too much how can u be ignorant about stuff? i mean that would be ignorance at will. How man people actually do this? yeah i know loads of them.

When you thinking is always attacked by ego and super ego, you ignore.

Our actions always have an impact on things but we are often powerless to control things. so we ignore.

Perspective is temperory. so we ignore.

Since there is no perfect truth. we ignore.

What ppl tell you or how others view you will inevitbly affect you. so we ignore.

There is some evil attached to some intentions. so we ignore.

There is always bias in our thinking. so we ignore.

we always try an act on incomplete knowledge. so we ignore.

You are somewhere or the other, a part of an existing system. so we ignore.

You can never be your real self. so we ignore.

Not everything is possible. so we ignore.

Nothing is always satisfactory. so we ignore.

you are never completely confortable. so we ignore.

you can never be in a commanding position. so we ignore.

some one some where hates you. so we ignore.

you can never be in a win win situation. so we ignore.

You can never escape your emotions. so we ignore.

you can never completely undersatnd people. so we ignore.

somethings never change. so we ignore.

some people never change. so we ignore.

do we actually wanna attain bliss. the race is long. its only with ourselves. there are way too many things that we are ignorant about.

If ignorance is bliss. We have attained it.

Dignity!

i have heard this word in a lot of contexts.

the most interesting being "virginity is not diginity... its lack of opportunity."

really dont agree with this. can it really be? can virginity be really compared to dignity? its a personal choice. its a mindset. i have been in love. i have been in a relationship. i have been in control. but i always kept the the levels of physical intimacy in her hands. whatever she was comfortable with. whatever she wanted. it was starry eyed. i was never frustrated with her decisions. i never wanted to talk her into it.

but then it ended. *poof* it was gone. it no longer existed. never once did it cross my mind that "oh! damn! opportunity lost". i havent been in love after that. i havent been with someone special who was worth it. i dont know by... its by chance not by choice. its could be the other way round could be by choice. not by chance. i havent been able to answer this. if u succeed in doing so tell me how.

i have met people who brag about the various opportunities they got and made the most of it by losing their dignity. if some people read this they will say that i am lying. no i am not. some people will say in joking. no i am not. some people will call me at loser.

how can i be a loser, if i havent lost it yet? dignity intact.

virginity is not dignity. its lack of opportunity

Whatever!

~~ Unfunny! ~~

Hahahahahahahahaa! Haaaaahahhahahahhahaaha!

No its not funny!

how many times have we faced this and how many times have we been rude! how many times have we been there? unintentionally you have been rude to people! you laugh it off and then you suddenly realise what you have done... how could you do this... "that was sooo sensitive of you"

but then the ego steps in and u say why should i say sorry... it cant be undone and u let it pass... somewhere down the line it sometimes haunts you and on and off u keep thinking of it. but still u are too big to say sorry...

it cant be undone!

there are times when this happens to you and u are the butt of the joke and then u realise a simple sorry and mean a world to you. then u realise what the other person must have felt... what he or she would have gone through... it might not be a big deal for them...

i was witness to one such incident, sometime about a fornight back. that time i was amazed how soon the other person said sorry, but i soon realised he probably did not mean it coz he was bragging about it later.

whats the point?

what ever u dot to do... u got to do it from within.

Thankfully i have not been a part of it yet. but that day i realised that what it could mean and lead to.

there are times when u have to guld your ego! let the real person in you come out, be brave and say the 2 hardest words "i am sorry!" (eerrrr thats 3 actually)

now i know what to say... what to do...

yes it can be undone! it can be mended! (though the knot would be there)

it can be unfunny!

Version 2.0

Living in this technology age, where every thing is constantly evolving and versioning itself... why can emotions and association be versioned? i mean look at cellphones - everyday there is a new version of the software and the handsets that keeps coming! from 2.5G we are moving to 3G! great!

Look at softwares... version 1.1 to version 1.2 to version 1.2.1 so on an so forth...

The other day i told a friend that our friendship is moving to version 2.0! it was just a random thing that i had just posted.. but when i later thought of this, i was quite convinced that ya things with humans can also be versioned!

The amount and the level of interactions that i am having with this friend of mine is way over that what it was, sometime back... it was just the usual "hi, hello, how are u doing?", a few laughs here and there and thats it... that i classified as version 1.0!

now its a lot different... we share. we care. we talk. a lot. its grown... its moved on! i am addicted to the interactions. The mails. the chats! its fun. its intelligent. its way too good. This is version 2.0!

not all my friends can be classified. not coz we are not growing or maturing but coz the level of interactions and the things we share is equivalent to what it was earlier! nothing has changed! nothing will, i hope! there is no versions! there is no updation!

but this version 2.0 is special! so is this friend! there is constant development that is happening!

version 3.0 coming soon!

Share & Touch

Its from previous experiences that we stop sharing things with people! Oh you never know whats gonna happen! who is gonna say what and who is gonna do what after you tell them...

After what someone has been through and what someone has experienced, it is natural to distrust people! move away from them and disappear! There is this distance that is developed and you are so busy take care of other things that you just simply forget that all this is not true!

i have been in that position and i can say that i still am... i lost something about 2 years ago and after that i dont know why, but i just havent been able to share the same thing with anyone else! you also must have experienced it... so many times in life, u genralise things... if some people who were so called friends were nasty, bad or back stabbers, u generalise all the friends, u cut ties with them and just simple move on! just dimple try and start afresh....

But then, someday u are alone and sitting alone and flipping through the black chapter of your life, u realsie that no all was not the same, everyone was not the same... there were some people who weren't the same! You try and make contact with them and they are more than happy to hear from you...

Tou still take one step at a time. Not movie to fast. Not trusting too fast. But then u realise its not the same anymore!

Most of the times in life we just refrain from sharing stuff... thats where we go wrong... you never know who can touch your heart when u share stuff...

I am not boasting, i am not showing off! i am happy, i am content! the cheer is back!

Someone Shared! I Touched!

Cheer!

Lost!

until yesterday, this word was just another expression! today it has been redifined. Its is like a prelude to something thats gonna hit you strong and hard... i dont know what its means to you, but when i listen to it from today onwards, it is sure to send a shiver down my spine!

Of whoever is reading this, there maybe various contexts and connotations to this - i am just listing down mine! Why do i say this? simply because i experienced it... i did not get lost at a jungle or in the city... i just got lost in my thoughts! and boy they were nerve wrecking!

Someone, somewhere is lost! someone somewhere is emotionally lost, somene somewhere is mentally lost!! how does that sound? usual right? its just coz u dont know what i know! maybe you do! maybe you wanna, but i cant tell you what i know! sorry! i have crossed my heart and promised someone! and there is no chance in hell that i am gonna tell you!

This feeling within me was after a a lot of mixed emotions! confused, shocked, happy, horrified, content, happy again! (no necessarily in this order) it was something that i am still confused about! did not feel upto it to write, write back! but then i have to let it out! for good or for bad! the black chapter! the cheer! the back stabbing! the laughing machine! shaken and also stirred! the wondering! are you ready for this? is the juice worth the squeeze? all seem faint when it comes to being lost!

hey!
hey!
whats up?
nothing much!
Is it you?
yup! just a little lost!

Someone, somewhere knows what i am saying! someone, somewhere truly understands where this comes from!

someone... somwhere...

Love! Luck! Hats off!

Cheer!

Have always wanted to be a person!! i dont know what person, but i want to be not a WANNA BE... but i have failed... or have i?

Dont know why... is it coz i have become a hard hearted person... or do i even classify as a person? am i too involved in my own self, so involved that i cant even see what other want and expect out of me?

i dont know.... all i know is that if people trust me in sharing stuff and letting their heart out and pouring that woes and consider me a person with a shoulder that they can lean on... i think the job is half done... i havent failed... i have not been unsuccessful... i have taken a step forward and will continue to do so....

there is no harm in being the one who can be there for a friend... be someone whose name rings a bell and u feel that if all else fails and there is no one who i can turn to... he will be there... he will listen me out... he will be the one whom i can share with... share everything....

bu then again i ask have i been able to reach that stage? i dont know... i will never know... i will never be able to figure it out... but i am content... i am satisfied with what i have... there still is some greed and some hunger, but it is for friends... i wanna have more friends i wanna know more people! i wanna be counted upon...

i wanna be there... i wanna do that... i wanna dance! i wanna sing... i wanna run with arms wide open... i wanna touch the sky.... i wanna be loved.... i wanna be cared about... i wanna be me!!

i am happy... i am what i am... i am not perceived as someone... i am not compared... you have to know me to know me...

cheers to this... cheers to you! cheers!

Black Chapter

Yes... its a chapter from a book... its not plagiarism... its a chapter from the book of life... its that chapter that no one wants to look back upon... its that dark chapter that we will not ever wanna flip pages of...

Before writing this i was thinking hard... i was wondering to myself what this post is gonna be about... then i soon figured out that it could be about anything... its could be about anyone... it could simple be about me!

There are things that i wanna put in the black chapter... infact most of us wanna just do it, u can succeed, u can fail... but its always worth a try!

There are black chapters in my life, but they may seem miniscule as compared to the other black chapters... the ideal way to keep up with them is to be numb towards these chapters... its like just incase these pages are flipped in your book you dont wanna react... you just want its to be normal... just with it... nothing more, nothing less....

At that period... every step that you take would seem like a mistake... but then u have to get over it and gather all the courage that u can muster and let it be left behind... cut all the ties and dont suffer from it....

as i was writing this post i was listening to music, the Baz Luhrman - Wear Sunscreen song started playing and there is this interesting line in this song which says "dont worry about the past" and another one is "dont be reckless with other peoples heart and dont put up with people who are reckless with yours" and yet another "dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than itÂ’s worth"

Thats it... what more do i say? its exactly what my random rumbling was about and thats exactly what i said!

Chapter closed!

Communicator & the Oops!!

I always used to wonder in my english classes about communication... whats so difficult about communicating? i mean its so simple... u say and the other person lsitens... then there came effective communication skills in college, and also inbetween saying and listening came carrier and comprehension! i was zapped! why are poeple complicating the process!

Then i understood! after long! or not so long... thats what u say has to be comprehended well only then u will sounds meaningful and make sense to the other person.. then i thought its not my problem, if someone does not comprehend what i say, how can i be held responsible for any miscommnications?

Well its now, that i kinda figure! its a classic! "If money doesnt grow on trees, then why do banks have branches? or why does a round pizza come in a square box? or whay doesnt glue stick to its bottle? or why do you still call it a building when its already built? if its true that we are here to help others, what are others here for? If you aren't supposed to drink and drive then why do bars have parking lots?

Still figuring out the crux of the matter! still not clear! its all about the communications... miscommunication leads to misunderstanding and further complicates matters!

Its a perfect scenario of the great "oops"! Oops! but i thought you said this! oops but i thought u meant this! oops i guess i got you wrong! oops, was it supposed to mean this?!

Oops!

We are bunch of funny people living in a funny world!

oops!

~~~ The Laughing Machine ~~~

Laughter! The best medicine? I don't know! What are we trying to say here? arbit stuff to laugh about? or laugh about anything and everything? beats me!

I have a friend (yeah I know, everyone has a friend) but this friend is different! or should I say special! this friend is/was fondly called "the laughing machine" (remember the friend I reunited with, a couple of days back?)... there is something about this friend that never ceases to amaze me! I don't know how to classify this friendship! not that its weird or anything but just that I cant gauge if "this" friendship is better or was the "previous" friendship was!

Its like versioned... we were at version 1.0 but now after the reunion its kinda heading to or has already reached version 2.0! great going buddy! I know a lot more about this friend. this friend also knows a lot more about me! its like we have matured. yeah I know it comes with age anyway! but we have matured in our own sense! seen the ups! seen the downs! seen the bliss! seen the glory! seen the dungeons! seen the pits! have stabilized to normality! moved to sanity!

this friend of mine has this uncanny knack of lauging at everything... which is good! its like i get my share of fun from everything! great thought! great meeting! great knowing you! cheers to another round!

Shaken... But Not Stirred!

Someone sent me an SMS the other day - "You are sitting by the window one rainy sunday afternoon and are sipping tea... at your fist sip you realise that there is no sugar... but u are too lazy to get up and get some sugar, so u decide to just finish it anyway... as u are just about to finish the tea u realize that there is sugar at the bottom... Life is often like this cup of tea... shaken but not stirred!"

I sat wondering to myself... how true! its a perfect judgement of human nature! i mean how many times have we come across situations like these... there is always some salt and sugar in our lives, there is always some spice, its just that we are too lazy sometime to make an effort... and even when we do make an effort, we would just move great distances and search high and low, not realising thats its right here in our hands and right with us...

how many times has it happened to you that u are searching for something for over hours and then realise it that its right there in your pocket or right where u kept it... u have spent the entire day looking for it....

Life is also this way! Its not about searching and loooking, its just about the inner soul searching... look within yourself and u will find yourself right there, doing exactly what u have to... within you lie all the traits that u always thought were inexistant... things that you always thoght u cant do... and you will realise that they are right there... they have been there but just that you looked too hard or hardly looked!

!~ = Priority =~!

This is perhaps the key word in everyone's life! U are always fighting a battle to keep pace with things, people and circumstances... everyone is fighting their own battle! The only way to make an effort to conquer this battle is to prioritize!

Taking things the way they come! analysing situations and circumstances on their importance is key... u may be ignoring somethings or some people in the process but its never too late to catch up and get back to your normal self!

Everyday is a new battle and over a period of time we will fight a lot of them, the key i believe is to keep moving on and not look back and wonder on what could things have been had a certain decision been taken, no point! its about wiping away the past and re-writing the clean slate with the future!

People will come and go! but there will be some few that you will hold on to! I live by faith and not by sight, so whether i see a friend or not, talk to the friend or not... i know they are still there and still the same! ready to take my hand and walk with me till the end!

This thought just reignites the new me! Softly the leaves of memory will fall, all you have to do is to calmly pick them up!!

Probably others wont understand this and take you on your face value and say that oh you did not bother to keep up! but then again only the true would know what happened and still be with you no matter how long its been!

Its never too late to catch up!!

~|~ Random Ramblings ~|~

The difference in opinion causes these ramblings... why? just a difference in opinion is not the only thing... its the point of view and the approach of the other person and the great ability to disagree with you and not listen to what you have to say....

you have a difference of opinion with your parents and what comes out is "generation gap" the whole blame from either end is put on the fact that when they were at your age, they never acted in that way and never thought of things that way...

When its a difference in opinion in a relationship its termed as "misunderstanding" and this misunderstanding is not simple, its very complex to figure, configure and reconfigure again anda again!

A difference in opinion at work is considered an insult to the superiors and also trying to divert from the core values and general work culture!

A difference in opinion with siblings is termed as sibling rivalry or a fight, and the elder one or the more loved one has the upper hand and the looser always then finds a way to give it back!

A difference in opinion with friends is what i prefer over anyhting... u are fighting it out, you are listening to the other person, the other person is listening to you and no matter who wins, that difference is always buried deep somewhere, long lost, never to spring up, and ya this happens in a matter of 5 mins... its back to the usual fun frolic and the world!!

But then again it is said that at a certain age you are either closest to your girlfriend or your buddies... since the case of the girlfriend here is imaginary... that is why the peers have the upper hand in shaping you, making you the way you... they believe in you and also somewhere down the line motivate you and also induce healthy competition!

But then again, if you have read the "BACK STABBING" post below you know that there are the other kinds also! just that they are alwaysd after you and never wanna see the best of you... they are always scarcastic... they may/may not cause harm! can be lethal!! majority chances are they will!!

Well the random ramblings that are here, have come from a mix of all the mentioned above... i have become a loner so to say... dont talk much, unless necessary.. have my own comfort zone at work and play! have my own chill zone and methods... i am happy! i am content! i am the way i am! and ya the bestt part is i am not a looser!

Wondering...

Hmmm.... interesting headline! i wonder what i could be about! The just random rambling have started again! i dont know why but then its ok... its a perfect way of letting off the steam!
Well i think its coz i am too content these days... there is nothing that is pressing and nothing that i actually feel like writing about...

The "why" has been answered, "backstabbing" has happened, the "juice has been squeezed" and also lately "old friends" have reunited!

fairy tale, isnt it?

seems so! things should go on this way all will be sorted! atleast seems like it as of now... but you never know, like the classic m-seal ad says - "ek tapakti boond aapki zindagi badal sakti hai" i believe that one phone call or a meeting can change your life... i am expecting it very soon! the honeymoon days at work are over... work is gonna catch up real soon!

I am not worried! a period of inactivity has rusted me! all thats happened at work is "CHANGE"!! the whole system has been shuffled! and before you know it, all the bosses are gone, there are new people who have come in and are getting accustomed to the new place and so am i, trying to guage the situation and also just trying figure my life around the change!!

Then there is this occasional catching up with friends that is the highlight of every weekend! gang up! party! hang out! eat, drink and be merry! its great... its a perfect sunday afternoon and a perfect unwinding session!

gee... thats it! full stop! over!

~Old Friends~

Today i met a friend... after a long long time! It was great to generally chat up! share the things of the past and know more about each other! though it was not a personal one on one meeting but still... every minute was woth it, every moment well spent!

Got in touch after around 2 years and there was so much to talk about and so much to cherish... it truly made my day! There is only one thing that i could think off.... was the farewell and something i had written


It's hard to believe it's time to go
Leave this way of life, spread our wings and grow
Say goodbye to those friends that we hold dear to our hearts
Shedding tears for we'll be so far apart
Remembering all the good times and even the bad
Including the fights we sometimes had
Through the tears and the pain
Friendship was our gain
We stuck together through sunshine and rain, laughs and shouts
We found out what friends were all about
So as our senior year comes to an end
We'll carry in our hearts our special friends
And take with us all the memories that were made
Since that very first School day.

Sketch...

I met a beautiful girl one day,
Nothing special or no connection, need I say!
The only thing that was,
I liked her way,

Of all that she ever was & until this very day.
There was this energy & air around her,
For the good always, something surrounded her,
I still haven’t figured what it, what made me think like this,

With her qualities and traits, to me she feels like a wiz!
On & off, here & there, out of sight but not out of mind,
Towards her no one can turn an eye blind,
Even in the present, all your mind wants to do is unwind,

She’s always been the prim & proper, gentle kind!
Of all that I’ve known her, she’s a gem at heart,
But, after all that’s what I knew about her from the very start,
Carrying herself the way she does is truly an art,
Confident, genuine, gentle, kind & smart!