The D Day (1 day prior)

Its the 5th of June 09. 1 day to D day, its something we both have been waiting for. It still seems a little too surreal... Something that hasnt sunk in yet. Something that will mean a paradigm shift in both our lives. We'll be married. We'll be husband and wife.

What started out more than a year ago, as a friendship, turned to an infatuation, to a crush, to love, to true love. Something that didnt need overt expression, something that was mutual. Something that made live a pleasure.

Each relationship blossoms with time. Each relationship is like wine, it gets better with age. We have had our share of ups and downs and we at an early stage had shared a lot with each other. Something which doesnt need words to describe.

As i write this, i am in a sense of confidence, that we will togther make a meaning of our relationship, be with each other through thick and thin. Be loved and love. Be understood and understand. Be adjusting and adjust. Be caring and care. Be trusted and trust. All in all be happy. Take life each step at a time and carve our way to a sweet, happy, loving future with each other.

Without doubt i can say that this decision is one i will NEVER regret, ever. This is something that makes life worth living. This is something that gives life a (new) meaning. Wanna welcome everything with open arms. Be the one for her coz i know for sure that she is the one for me.

With lots of love.

--
Sent from my E71 smartphone

Scattered

Its been a while that i slept at an earthly hour. Its been almost a month now that i have been sleeping at 3 a.m. each night (well almost day break). I dont know what i attribute it to? No matter how sleepy i am, or no matter what time i get into bed, i dont doze off before 3 (waking up is a story in itself).

I am thinking (or so i think). My thoughts are scattered. Its about managing expectations... That of my 'would be family' and my current family and club that with the job, well i am all over the place. There is so much to do and so little time. Sometimes i think i fail at managing at all.

Its a double edge sword that is difficult to tread. Its something that needs to be done in a manner which makes everyone a winner and makes all fall in place. This new beginning is not going to be easy, it will need patience and a cool head to manage all.

Guess now that we are getting into it and we will work it out and make it work completely to the T! Yes thats what marriage and relationships are all about. Needs some work. Needs thought process.

Its like a jigsaw puzzle that need to be solved and i a sure there would be a beautiful picture that forms at the end of it.

Relationships

Relationships of all kinds are like holding sand in your hand
Hold it loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is
The tighter you grasp it, the faster it trickles through your fingers

Hold your relationship loosely
with respect and freedom for the other person
it is likely to remain intact
But hold it too tightly, too possessively
then it will likely slips away.

--
Sent from my E71 smartphone

Tired

I have been tired, tired of i dont know what. Its the regular days at office and the regular fun after it. Its the heat. I am so tired that i cannot sleep. I am so tired that i dont want to wake up in the morning.

I feel exhausted. I feel deprived. Is it sleep or is it peace? I do not know. Is it the hard days work or is it the expectation. My mind works overtime. Juggling, guessing, figuring, all at one go. Things neesd to done. Tasks need to be completed. Lives need to be balanced. Everyone needs to be kept happy. What about my happiness? What what about my peace? Cant find it.

New life, new beginning, fresh start, lots to do, so little time. Its the relationships, its the money, its the trust, its the unsurity, its the insecurity, its the randomness, its the life, its the beginning, its music, its soothing, its cynical, its bearable, its awesome, its lovely.

Is it me? Is it them? Is it theirs? Is it mine? It is love! Is it sacrifice? Is it compromise? Its being together, its staying together, its being forever, its eberything. Its a mix. Its a cocktail. Its the ceremony. Its bliss. Its heavenly. Its super. Its boggling.

Hell i dont know what it is, but this time I DO Care!

Help!

Learnings

Every step we take,
Every mistake we make,
We put a lot at stake,
Some times its time to awake,

Learning from the mistakes and short comings is something we all have heard off and have been told about in the past as well by everyone. But sometimes ignorance gets the best of us and we choose the same path over and over again. Sometimes it gets pushed a little to far dor us to know.

Then comes poetic justice, something that jolts you up to reality, something that stirs you up so much that it leaves you numb! The idea is to wake up and mend the ways, you may think that there was nothing wrong or something that you said and did was completely harmless, however we live in a perceived world and perceptions are something that we niether know of nor understand completely till they come and hit us real hard in our face!

Anyways whatever happened, has happened. Cant change that and any more apology for that wouldnt suffice, the idea now is let go of what happened and start afresh, watch what you say, track what you do and how you do it. Life is all about keeping one's mouth shut when it matters the most.

Suddenly get this feeling of 'I used to have a Handle on life, but it Broke!'

Obama's Inauguration Speech

Super Speech!

The Power of Dreams!

Dreams do come true! The power of dreams! The Honda Story!


Honda The Power of Dreams from micheledauria on Vimeo.

143 Days & Counting (DOWN)

The title says it all... Its 143 days to D Day! The excitment is something else. Every moment goes in thinking, planning & dreaming.

New start. Something totally different! Something never experienced, something i've only heard about, but really exciting & looking forwrad to this new life!

Sharing it with someone is always a charm & dream. So many things go into it! So many things make it work.

For a new start! Cheers
Good Speed!

Weekend

Its been a lazy start to the weekend. Woke up at 1ish and then the running around started. Have been putting off somethings for a while now. So decided to take them to task and finish things one at a time

Almost succeeded in doing so... Its a relief. Somethings have been pending and going on for a while and have finally taken them task and taken care of them.

Feels good have taken care of the pending things. Yeaaaaah! Good start!

Updates

Wow! That was simple, easy & fast! Now the aim would be try and keep this blog as updated as possible and not let it be dated!

Lets see for how long i succeed and hope to carry it on for as long as possible.

God Speed.

First Mobile Post

This is the beginning of the new year. A time for festivity. Its a time of new beginnings, new dreams, new aspirations, and starting over.

So, i thought let me start (revive) my reduntant blog again after a gap of about 2-3 months. This time its on a new platform. Configured a Mobile Blogging is the need of the hour and what simpler than just shooting an email from my phone, and taaadaaaaaa its up!

Well 2009 has lots in store, there is planning, there is execution and the result is a Marriage on 6th June 2009! Looking forward, excited and more. There is soo much to look forward to.

Hoping this new year brings all thats wanted and needed and desired to me, the ones i love & care about and all.

Happy 2009!

Solitary Confinement

Its been a little less than 4 months since this blog saw any updates. well such is life, this is what the internet does to you. with all the messengers, social networking, chats, emails, there doesnt seem to be anytime for blogging! just too much happening.

Considering i work in the digital media department and take care of interactive initiatives, its a little too much of being 'interactive' with the world. but imagine this, suddenly you are stripped of all the internet access and are left out of the circle of communication. for someone who surfs the internet for 12 hours a days and the remaining time is spent on being on the phone either chatting (again), or on email etc, its a little tough!

Well it all started some 10 days back, where my IT department decided to just severe all the popularly visited sites and put them behind a firewall! yes! so that means there isnt access any access to facebook, gmail, gtalk, google reader, msn, youtube, yahoo, messenger and they have even gone ahead and blocked words like chat, society & lifestyle, social networking.

Its now a life of solitary confinement, something that is like the worst nightmare coming true. its my job to be on the web, i get my daily bread doing what i do online. someone said that the world is convergening thanks to the technology. i say, we are moving back to the stone ages!

I'm Back!

Been quite a while that something got posted to the blog. Its been over a month! No nothing has changed, i am still the same, except i am happier, content, sorted, thinking right and enjoying life, yeah maybe its a change from what i have been writing in the past.

No random incidents have happened, so there is no room for random ramblings. Things have been only on an incline on the personal front. Professionally? Well i am not sure, its a little hard to say.

There are these road blocks that one stumbles upon every now and then, walking the walk and talking the talk, losing the focus, gaining the brain dead. Sometimes u feel why are u doing this, is it going to be this way for the rest of your life, is it going to be the same forever. Will u ever move up the ladder, and if u do, where will you be?

Smiling has become a part of life, mutual understanding is the bliss that i live in. I dont have much to complain about, things and life have been on a general upswing.

Today, i have everything that i never did. What i hold dear is something that i have dreamt of.

Amen!

Tag

The tag Chaits passed on.

Last movie seen in a movie hall: Shaurya

What book are you reading:My own Book! (Slices From The Pie Called Life)

Favourite board game(s):Life, Cluedo

Favourite magazine:Any Auto Mag or a Tech Mag (T3 is cool)

Favourite smells:Smell of the first Rain on mud!

Favourite sound:My phone beeping and i know who is calling :)

Worst feeling in the world: Irritation

Whats the first thing you think of when you wakeup:I'm Late

Favourite fast food place:Ginger Marie, Myst, Firangi Pani,

Future childs name: …

Finish the statement “If I had a lot of money I’d …” :Travel, Travel, Travel

Do you drive fast:Sometimes, mumbai doesnt allow that actually

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Never

Storms-Cool or scary?: 100% cool

Do you eat the stems on the broccoli: Yup ..

If you could dye your hair any color, what would your choice be: Red

Name all the diffrent cities/towms you’ve lived in: Jindra, Deolali, Delhi, Tezpur, Jalandh, Mumbai, Guwahati

Favourite sports to watch: “Cricket, NBA, F1, Moto GP

One nice thing about the person who send this to you: Rockstar!

Whats under your bed: I sleep on the floor!

Would you like to be born as yourself again: Totally !!

Morning person or night owl? : Both, neither and either .. depending on nothing.. just random disturbed sleep cycle.

Over easy or sunny side up?:Sunny Side Up!

Favourite place to relax: Jhoola at my place

Favourite pie: Apple

Favourite Icecream flavour: Rum Raisin in chocolate.

Of all the people you tagged this to, who’ll respond first? : No clue !!

Moved

Some recent posts have been moved to a new location. There were a little to personal for the generic one. This new location is accessible by invitation only. If u wanna take a peek let me your email id, i'll give u access :)

Tagged!

This has been pending for a bit now. so i thought what better than put this up

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say to People (but can't/don't)

1. I am not up for it
2. NO
3. I am scared
4. I Love You
   
5. I don't care what you think about me
6. I Like You
   
7. I wanna run away from here
8. I wanna quit my job and go to the himalayas
9. you are the stupidest person i know
10. leave me alone
    

Nine Unknown Things about Yourself

1. I am emotional
2. I like pretty feet
3. am quite random when i want to
4. i hate losing friends
5. i have a problem with expressing myself
6. i hate to wake up in the morning
7. i love texting, hate talking
8. I have a thing for nose rings
9. i get uncomfortable when i am in a crowd
   

Eight Ways to Win Your Heart

1. Expressive eyes
2. Intelligence
3. long drives
4. just you and me
5. be with me
6. hold my hand
7. giving little attention is enough
8. weekend getaways - just u and me!
   

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

1. where am i heading?
2. what does the future have in store for me?
3. Snuggles
4. How Big will i make it in life?
5. who will be the soul mate?
6. when will this mess end?
   
7. When will i be able to get all i want?
   

Six Things You Regret

1. Wish i was more expressive
2. I wish letting go was easier
3. I wish i hadn't got into that relationship
4. I wish i could say NO easily
5. I wish i had been a bit more confident
6. I wish i was more out going
   

Five Turn-Off's

1. Attitude
   
2. Non responsive people
3. Ugly feet
4. Bad drivers
5. Know it all kinda people
   

Four Turn-On's

1. Pretty Feet
2. Nose rings
3. Expressive eyes
4. 'Good to hold' hands
   

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die

1. Watch a F1 Race - live
2. Travel to at least 50 places across the world
3. Get a Harley Davidson
   

Two Smileys that Describe You

1. `:-) [one eyebrow raised]
   
2. :-S [confused]
   

One Confession

1. I cannot tell someone how much i love them, or how exactly i feel about them, i have ended up liking the wrong people in the past.
   

Love & Relationships

The Oxford University Press’ compact dictionary defines “Love” as (noun) 1 an intense feeling of deep affection. 2. A deep romantic attachment to someone. 3 a great interest and pleasure in something. 4. A person or thing that one loves.

It also defines “Relationship” is (noun) 1 the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. 2 the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other. 3. An emotional association between two people.

We clubbed together is becomes “Love Relationship”, though the Oxford Dictionary doesn’t have this as an entry, I am trying to decipher the meaning, the way I see/understand it. To begin with, its quite complicated. Its not very definable by a lesser mortal like me, but I shall still give it a shot.

I start with the other words that come to my mind when I think of love. Those words are: trust, respect, attachment, selfless, life, understanding, respect, association, happiness, joy, cherish, ecstasy, passion, serene, warmth. These are the first set of words that I think of when I think of love. But, in this world of people being slightly selfish, how true do these words hold? Lets be honest, its not an utopian world out there and none of us are saints, so how true is the definition of love and relationship?

Lets try the same for the words I associate with relationship: bond, love, happiness, calm, peace, warmth, joy, understanding, happiness, partnership, association, attachment. Then again how many of us actually feel this way about relationships? I mean when I hear about relationships I have heard about fights, incompatibility, lack of space, lack of understanding, pain.

Another try as word associations, let me try and pick out the common attributes to words I associate with love and relationship. I come up with the following: attachment, warmth, happiness, joy, and understanding. These 5 words pretty much define a relationship for me so to say. Yes I need the warmth, I want to be attached to someone, I want to feel the happiness, I want to spend my life in joy and I want my partner to understand me.

But then I cannot be selfish here and just hope to get it all just sitting down, it has to be mutual. It has to be given back the same way it would come to me. Sometimes its not the case. Sometimes we just get into something and realize midway that its not working for us. Its that moment that redefines our life, insecurity creeps in and we try and cling on to it, supported by the small little good memories and things that we experienced for the first time, its always a case that if this ends, I end. If this falls short, then I will not have anyone’s hand to hold, I will be left standing out cold and torn.

Its general human tendency, it’s a characteristic trait that is imbibed into us since we are kids and we are taught to be loving, affectionate, respect the binds and attachment that we share with family and friends. That’s the seed of where it all starts, that’s where it all originates from. We all are suckers for emotions, drama, happiness, love, feeling to love, want to be loved. But then life always has a lesson or two in store for us every time. We win some. We lose some. We run the race, we keep the pace, we have the patience, we nurture the steam to carry on.

Free Hugs Campaign!

The Free Hugs Campaign is a phenomenon which involves individuals who offer hugs to strangers in public settings. It began in June, 2004,[1] and was widely publicized in 2006 by a music video on YouTube that was filmed and produced by the australian band Sick Puppies. The campaign is an example of a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better.

If you want to know more you can read about it on

The Wikipedia Page

Official Free Hugs Campaign Website

If u really really need a HUG! i am always there!

Hurt Granted

Well its something that may have happened to all of us, more often than not we just don't see it coming. We are blinded by either love, faith, friendship or hatred. Sometimes we are with blinkers on and just don't pay heed to the surroundings and circumstances building around us, we are ignorant to the signs. Ignorant to facts and on a single track.

More often than not we are hurt by people who are close to us, people whom you love unconditionally and expect nothing but gestures. Yeah i know, you must be wondering how can i talk about 'unconditional' and 'expectations' in the same breath. Well i guess expecting gestures is a bit different than expectations. Its intangible, its not seen, cannot be held, cannot be quantified.

Sometimes its something that can jolt you back to reality and bring you to your senses and tell you who you really are and what you might mean to some people, especially to those who mean a lot to you. Its just that you feel cheated, you feel disgusted, you are angry, you don't know how to actually react. Its not jealousy that does this to you coz unconditional love doesn't see any barriers of hatred, jealousy, unpleasantness, dislike. Its just so beautiful that you become unaware of what it might be leading to. Sometimes its better not to express things and just be quiet about everything you feel.

A lot about us often goes misinterpreted, we are taken for granted, the pain we suffer increases by a degree or two, in the does it all feels as if it just wasn't worth it and all the efforts that you put in, time, money, initiative, were all were not even the 2 pence it could have been. U think like someone who has been trampled upon, used, be led on!

But then thanks to some 'angels', sanity prevails and you come back to life and realize that its time to move on and maybe it was your fault in expecting even that little gesture. Its not the investment to time that has gone waste coz someone once said that if you give someone your time you have given them the most precious thing, its never going to come back. And the best thing about expecting the future is that it comes only one day at time. So you exactly know how much we are capable of handling, it too is within limits of control.

A wise man one said, 'don't expect! Expectations make you fall flat on your face' and someone also said, 'its not the big things that matter and make an impression, its the small gestures that matter the most.'

i'm someone who bases my decisions and judgements about people on the way they behave with me. I'll go out of the way to tickle their funny bone in an effort to leave my foot prints. But for me its a thread, the fine silk thread. Its there, difficult to see but it exists, and will continue to exist for eternity, but its delicate and can be broken at some point in time. It can be repaired too but the knot too will remain for eternity.

Peace brother!
Thanks Bud & Mitesh!
You guys are the best, and true for life.
Amen!

Freedom, Bravery, Letting Go - Bravo!

Before this year started, i has written a post and saved it in the drafts coz i wasn't used to writing posts like that, as in something that overtly positive and about turning about a new leaf. we i thought about a lot of things considerably and then decided to publish it.

i wished for a couple of things for me and a few friends. and its indeed turning out to a pretty eventful year in the best sense. a lot of it is working in the favour of almost everyone. Some people werent mentioned on the wish list coz it wasnt what it is now, there are some new found friendships and associations that have emerged and i am really really thankful for their existance, not simply because you have to survive, but its DEEPER than that, thats the way i see it, its a real friendship that will go on till eternity.

This post is a dedication to a deep conversation and a revelation that i came across yesterday and in more than one ways i was stumped to know what lies beneath that smile, what lies beneath that every enthusiastic attitude, what lies beneath that bubbly nature. it initially came as a surprise but it soon turned to respect and admiration towards the entire thing and especially her.

Sometimes you think of giving it up, but u just dont think of the reason why you held up so long. Do or die is an old thinking, its more about do before you die! The feeling of having given it is satisfing. Atleast u gave it what u had, and walked the longest yard. You have nothing to lose, nothing to be afraid of. It takes a lot of strength and courage to tread on the path of freedom and letting go of things ever so completely.

i truly respect 2 women who have fought it out, and i am in awe. hats off ladies. A woman has strengths that amaze men, she can handle trouble and carry burdens. she holds happiness, love, and opinions, she smiles when she feels like screaming, she sings when she feels like crying, cries when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid. her love is unconditional!

But she sometimes forgets what she is worth. its a dedication to all the beautiful women i know. respect!

Push The Limits

Its always a divide for people to know the difference between passion and something that they like doing, more like a hobby. there is a close friend of mine who started something as a hobby and now has decided to turn it into a career.

the problem remains that the hobby has turned into a career but the passion is missing. the career is still taken as a hobby, the future is unclear. the focus is missing. the drive to get to the end is lacking.

there is only 'this much' that you can push people to do, and there is a line that we all tread on when it comes to even friendship. too much of anything is bad. so i guess i can talk about it and think about it only to a limit, after that i might reach a spot where i am the blind spot or my concern and ramblings fall on a dead ear or that i am just someone who constantly nags at one specific topic and i have nothing more to discuss.

things arent all that rosy, age isnt exactly on his side. time is flying as usual. near and dear ones are working up a sweat thinking about his future. he has gone into depression a couple of times regarding his own future and yet has not done anything about it.

i guess i have to push him a little more and maybe for the last time. i am sincerely hope that it works, i have the support of all his friends and especially 2 who excel at the line of work that he is currently in. yet, there is no sense of urgency and complete lack of emotion towards it.

god bless him! i am there to help him. we are there to help him. if only he listened and pushed the limits.

may the force be with him, god speed!

Once

there she was, standing
dressed in black, looking stunning as ever
i wanted to reach out and touch her
make her feel loved and wanted

have tried to tell her several times
it just doesnt work the way it was to
living in the dreams and thoughts
wanting it to live through

she came along, lively as always
wanting to take me by my hand
i never understood the meaning
never did i realize the intentions

i was always living in my shell
never wanting to get out,
she wanted me to discover myself,
never did it happen through

something was strangling me
she taught me to breathe easy
she bought me hope,
by cutting each and every rope

Since then I dream that once
Yes just once
Some stronger then I
Will look me straight in the eye

lead me to the ultimate
live with me till the end
be with me for eternity
once. just once!

Walk of life

i guess it was a good decision to change the name of my blog from "its about me" to slices from the pie of life, simply beacuse thats what life is all about. you divide your life into slices and give a piece of it to everyone. life is like time, its like if you have to give someone something special, give them time and they will be happy coz you would have given them something which is never going to come back and its a part of your life.

its like a lot of people walk in and out of your life and there are only a special and selected few who matter and become important in short span of times. its been about 3 months that i have joined a new work place. its a welcome change from what i was doing previously but a new places has its own demerits. you take time adjusting, you need to get fimiliar with people and systems and find your comfort zone.

this place if fun in its own way, its saner, its happier, its cleaner and the best thing is the the people! someone who specifically needs a special mention is the new friend that i have made here. she is fu, spontaneous, chirpy, bubbly and i share a kick ass frequency with her, i am not sure what it would be like if she wasnt around, or if there was someone else in place of her.

we have shared some hilarious moments in the past fortnight or so, spent long hours in office which would have (almost has) drove anyone mad and over the edge, but then there she comes to the rescue, the everlasting humming of Main Teri Parchhain Hoon, or the Ramayan title track or our very dear Simi-ji and Kjo going 'Shaava' - 'Shaava'!

she is someone who has helped me maintain my sanity and helped me from staying away from the asylum! you are a dear friend and i hope this lasts for years to come. you totally rock. bus agar woh hum - umar hoti toh kya baat thi (dont kill me) no one knows this joke and i am guessing no one knows who i am talking about besides her!

cheers to her, cheers to life, cheers to sanity, jai shree raaam!

Figment of Imagination

have you ever felt a gut wrenching feeling where-in you want to hold on to someone or something so bad that you just cant even think of letting go? like something on someone who you would want to be with or someone or something who you feel should be there with you and by your side for the rest of your life, no matter what happens and whatever changes, they shouldnt and neither should the relationship with them.

well i guess this happens too all of us, we try and hold people too strong, sometimes so strong that we end up hurting them. end up ruining something that could have lasted forever, then we end up repenting over the situation that just slipped out of contol.

but then as human beings we are witness to a lot of things in so little span of time that we become habitual to accepting and ignoring things at the same pace at which they enter our lives. and plus we have the greatest healer by our side, it works magic, its called time! with time a lot changes, people change, situations change, life changes, love changes, thinking changes.

if anything is given time, it is bound to work out the way it was initially planned. we have the habit of rushing up things because we feel we might lose something or someone, and it could be a matter of just an hour or a day, had we waited, the result would have been completely different.

imagination is something that drives probably everyone. we can dream of devils and dungeons and we can dream of fairies and wonderlands. if we give ourselves time, we can change and acheive al lot with our imaginations.

by gones are by gone. we just think about them initially, for a day, for a weel, for a month, for a year, for a couple of years, but then they slowly recede, they are weaned off. they remain, maybe in our hearts, somewhere hidden and burried, somewhere untraceable. only a few situations and places trigger them back to life. its like digging up old graves, you dont achieve anything.

let them remain, let them stay where they are, for us they once existed, for us they may never have. yet they remain, a figment of our imagination!

2008 - All around!

This is just my second post of this new year, shame on me! well have been really caught up with life around work and have been keeping late hours for a long time now. there isnt much happening around the other aspects of life for me, but there is some all around cheer that surrounds a lot of things that matter to me.

Let me start with work. its been a great start to a much awaited general entertainment channel called NDTV Imagine, that has promised to entertain and delight audiences. yes! its finally here, launched on 21st Jan with a lot of fanfare and promise. the numbers are looking goooood!

I work for the digital media team and my responsibilities are limited to making the channel presence felt on the internet and mobile world. well if you can be kind enough to check out NDTV Imagine's Official Website

please provide any feedback that you (besides the fact that the website is kinda slow because of the flash, we are working on it)

its one of those positive starts, a lot of things are falling into place. My finances are taking one step at a time towards bliss.

My first wish for friends took a giant leap as one of my friends took a baby step towards her happiness. Its something that i was trying to get done for the longest time, but then i know its all so easy when its said and a different new ball game when it has to be done, its a very difficult and a brave decision to take. I respect her for being so and i appreciate the fact that she is making and effort to reach her goal of being happy.

Another friend is getting close to finding her calling. She working hard to make i work and get things in place and sorted for whats needed to be done about her life. On the work front its going good, great infact, i like what i do, have creative freedom both in terms of planning and execution. Something that i wanted to do from a very long time, is happening, hope this continues.

There are a lot of things i wanna do this year, travel is one of them, i guess i need to give it time for a couple of things to fall in place. I wanna be more confident, more out going, more fun. Essentially i wanna turn over a new leaf altogether.


Cheers to 2008! so far so good!

Cheer!

Every year brings with it its own highs, lows, success, joy, happiness. I hope this year brings with it only positivity! Ups and downs are a way of life. This year should promise to be unlike any other, better than the best ever seen.

There are lot of hopes, there are lot of expectations. There are lot of wishes for myself and friends. Like, i wanna improve my financial situation, i wanna take some things more seriously, i wanna improve as a human being, i wanna try and find true love ;)

for my friends, the wishes are very specific. For one, i want her to be happy, sort her life out, get the best, be relieved of any trauma, get into her routine, be respected, be loved, be pampered, be take care of and be treated like a princess.

For another friend it is that she may get rid of confusion, be delivered towards calmness, lateral thinking, settle down, get the job she wants, sort her life out.

Another wish for another friend. He should be able to fulfil his dream of travelling, climbing the ladder of success, get what he deserves, all opportunities should come knocking.

Another one. Get away from the confusion. Lay things to rest, think straight, focus, not be bothered, look out for what matter, not take unnecessary tensions.

The list can go on and on. But this new year will bring along what is always does. Another year full of maturity, another holiday list at work, another appraisal, another birthday, another festive reason full of love, light, joy. Most of all another 365 days of meeting new people, of getting to know friends better.

its about living it up. how u do it, with who you do it is another matter! live it up the best you can coz u never know whats in store for tomo and u never know whats going to happen when!
cheers to a brand new day and a new begining!

No Need to Argue

Someone sometimes becomes so special to you that you would never wanna lose them. So much so that you forget the reality of life and start living in that fantasy world of that someone being always there for you for the rest of their lives.

But then, one day someone bring you back with a jolt and you know that what you were dreaming of will never happen. That someone belongs to someone else and one day, whether we like it or not, will go away. Everything that there is now, will be a memory and a dream. Something that might evoke one of the 2 reactions, you will be raging mad or you will be expressionless. It would matter.

Well in most cases, the world based on the fantasy evokes the latter reaction. But that person is etched in your memory for ever, you treasure them for the rest of your life. Some things come in between and there is distance. You start preparing yourself that one day they will go and it will never be the same again.

Somewhere in your mind, you know that you will lose them. Like a gust of wind – they will be swept away from your life and there wont be a trace of them besides in your memory. You will remember all the things that you once shared with them, you always consoled yourself that it will work out fine and then after it has all happened, you think if it was a waste?

Well, you will forget it all in time and try and live the dream that you treasured and nurtured for all this while. You cant run away from it, you cant forget about it, you can only look back and cherish the moments and be happy that they happened rather than being sad and thinking what did not happen.

At this point, let Cranberries take over with “No Need To Argue”

There’s no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could
But it left me so sore
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had

I knew, I knew, I’d lose you
You’ll always be special to me

WHILE

Not written in a while. Not been in touch for a while. Well yeah even 3-4 days seem like a while especially when you are used to talking to someone as much as twice a day, and suddenly you or they disappear.Its funny actually, how dependant we can be on someone. How can we be so dependant on someone and how that someone become’s a partner whom you can share everything with yet not expect any sympathy or feedback coz you know it all exists and its all unsaid.

But slowly you get used to it, slowly you respect it and you start weaning yourself off from that someone but the feelings remain, guess they will remain for a while or maybe forever.You start looking forward to some things and you start deriving pleasure. Instead of having a sad approach to things you start appreciating things. Life doesn’t suck anymore and you find it all funny and take everything with a pinch of salt.

Some friends start seeming dearer and some completely a pain. You start distancing yourself from some and become closer to others. Something’s in life derive a new meaning. You start valuing and cherishing some things and respecting others.

There could have been causes and effects. Causes of what happened and effects of what happened, sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, how we take it and how we deal with it, its in our head. Something that we have been expecting and it doesn’t happen, can lead to one of the 2 things, one, we either get demoralised and start cribbing or we get our much deserved peace of mind. I use this space of vent out my feelings, and it usually happens when i’m not at peace with myself, but considering i haven’t written in a while, would mean that i’m at mental peace, yes i am!

I know my job is good, i know that i have to work 6 days a week, i know how to plan my day off, i know i have a friend whom i can rely on with my life, i know that the one i love, doesn’t love me the way i do, i know that my family will stick by me, i know that i have a great number of friends, i know that i know.

Nothing seems more pleasureable than knowing the matters pertaining to the heart, those are the ones that cause the maximum anxiety. They are the ones that can cause sleepless nights, they are the ones that compel you to think a lot.Some things are better said than understood. Clears the air, takes care of the animosity, makes you aware on how you should react to things.

Paulo Coelho in his book, the alchemist, says that ‘forgetting is painful, waiting is painful, but not know which to do, is killing!’.

Resonance

Today is one of those days when I am at peace with myself. I haven’t got anything to think about, I haven’t got any random thoughts to ramble on, yet I feel like writing. Some things don’t matter anymore, some things don’t bother me anymore, and some things I don’t think about at all.

It’s a short lived nirvana! But its worth it in whatever ways and means it comes. Sometimes I become completely ignorant to things and people too, something that I hate about myself sometimes. But then as a friend of mine puts it, I should let go of things and stop and look around and take things the way they come instead of making things happen.

Living life on its terms has its own advantages and fun associated with it coz you really don’t know where the next twist is and where the next turn is, its like the first roller coaster ride, u don’t know when and where the next up or down will come or where the next drop or speed zone is going to be. But u also know that u will survive and live another day to tell your story, and u will have a happy ending coz entire life cannot be like a roller coaster – the brain dead feeling has to stop somewhere.

I am just tired, a little too tired. Till about 4 months back, I was like an insomniac and could not sleep, there were times when I would sleep just for 3 hours and be content. But know the brain numbing feeling takes over, compels me to put everything aside and rest a while. Maybe it’s the peace of mind that is taking over slowly. Maybe it is the ignorance!

Its maybe one of those things where u feel that if u can’t achieve something and it seems far away or the road seems treacherous then you should just rest a while, clear your thoughts and then get a head start! Or its just that its an empty feeling and the hollowness resonates and makes me ignore everthing. The dreams are still there, the wishes are still there, thoughts go around and come back to the same place as every… someone somewhere is out there, someone needs me, I need someone, maybe I do, maybe I don’t! well that’s not really for me to decide!

When something has to happen, it will and u and I cant to anything about it! Let the resonance continue, let it ring! Let the emptiness surround me, I can feel myself shouting from inside… I can feel myself trying to calm myself, I can feel the loudness inside of me, something that is waiting to escape!

Conspiracy Theory

Destiny and luck are 2 things that i firmly believe in. What happens when we don’t get something that we have wanted? We end up saying maybe it wasn’t in my destiny to get it, but when we get something we end up praising ourselves saying that oh see how hard i worked to achieve it. No credit to destiny or just pure luck.

There is only a limit to what we can do and how we can push ourselves. Maybe we tried, maybe we gave it all till the last breath. But if it isn’t in your destiny, it won’t ever happen. Another theory is that we make our own destiny. Yeah i agree. All that happens to or with us is a function of our acts in the past. So technically if we don’t get something, we must have deprived someone of something in the past. Had we been good, we would have got good.

Its like the butterfly effect, or chaos theory. The flutter of a butterfly’s wing is capable of causing a tornado halfway around the world, given that certain conditions are prevailing. So essentially one flutter is capable of causing a tornado in the near future.

Since our life and our surroundings are not utopia, so is the case with the butterfly effect. But when something is needed and dreamt for so bad, and all the conditions are against you, and you are giving it your best, the stars shine down on you and align themselves to work in your favour, so the end result is worth waiting for. Almost worth dying for.

Its all a conspiracy! How? Well when u want something, it has 2 possibilities - u either get it or you don’t. Its a conspiracy that destiny plans. If you aren’t supposed to get something, you never will. But if you are supposed to, then the entire universe will conspire for it to happen!